Today (and by today, I mean Jan. 7) is the First Day of the Rest of My Life!

I've been a fat girl all my life.

OK... that's not entirely true. I managed to maintain a pretty trim figure until I was about 10 years old. (I know, impressive huh?) Up until that point I hated chocolate- actually DESPISED the stuff. (I'm still convinced it was due to alien experiements being carried out in my body... but I have no proof to speak of...) In any event, at the age of 10 a switch was flipped, chocolate became a dear friend, and I got FAT. (Sorry chocolate- someone had to be the fall guy) Keep in mind, I didn't just gain a little weight... I got fat fat. Like gooey 'can't shop in the juniors department' anymore fat. It was gross and painful and embarrassing. Especially in gym class when the popular girls called you 'wide load' as you ran your laps. Or when you wanted to buy the cute skirts and dresses but couldn't due to the 2" they rode up in the back because you had ghetto-booty long before Sir Mix-a-Lot even realized he liked it.

You'd think that issues like that would lead me to want to lose the weight to never experience that again, but all it did was cause to me to eat more. I became an emotional eater. If I was happy, I ate. If I was sad, I ate. Lonely, scared, angry, excited, nervous? Ate, ate, ate, ate. By the time I reached seventh grade, I was already in plus size clothing. When I would go on class trips out of town and we'd stop at the inevitable mall, all my friends would head to Gap, The Limited, or 5-7-9. I got stuck in the fat lady department of Penney's and Sears. Can you even comprehend HOW embarrassing that was? I was always picked last for teams, always picked on for my style (it wasn't the greatest) or my thick glasses, and was even made fun of for my smarts (they were the one thing I had going for me). I never even had a date to any dances. In fact, my first dance with a 'date' was with my COUSIN!! UGH!!!

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that my weight kept me from living a full life. I'm not curled up in a corner with my arms wrapped around myself, rocking back and forth and drooling. I've managed to live a pretty 'normal' life. I've had my share of relationships (most bad, a handful of them worthwhile). I've loved my share of men (again most bad, only 2 or 3 of them worth the effort). I  managed to produce 4 beautiful children who are the light of my life. I've been lucky enough to meet my very best friend and share a wonderful marriage with him that continues to this day.  I've graduated from college several times and have numerous diplomas under my belt. I've held various jobs in all different sectors of the business industry and, while I have not loved them all, I have taken something valuable from each of them that has helped me grow as a person and an employee.

All of that being said, my weight was still a major stumbling block in all of these successes. I was often not hired for jobs I was qualified for, or was underpaid for jobs I did get, because my weight held a stigma that I was lazy or unkempt or somehow didn't have control of myself. I didn't always choose the best people to be in relationships with because, for a long time, I didn't think I was worthy of a good man. So, I allowed my weight to affect my self-esteem, which in turn affected my safety as I inevitably ended up dating abusers. I had complications with each successive pregnancy as my weight would increase and then never reduce after the birth of the baby. By my fourth child I had no choice but to get my tubes tied because a fifth child could have been a detriment to my life. My weight even played issue in my wedding as I walked down the aisle in a size 28W wedding dress... I never wanted to be a fat bride.

All I know is being fat is NO FUN. See, Santa gives fat people a bad rap, because skinny people think we're supposed to be jolly all the time. Well, I'm here to tell you that someone must be leaving out some special 'Christmas brownies', because my weight problem doesn't help me feel that at all! On the contrary- I'm constantly tired, my joints ache, I carry around so much extra weight that my body can't handle it. I get easily depressed and/or irritated, I suffer from migraine headaches related to the amount of weight my poor body has to endure, and I don't sleep- or at least I don't sleep well.

So... I've had it. That's it. It's time to do something about this. I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired... and fat. And it's time to make a change. Not to talk about it and then go get a cheeseburger and start it on 'Monday' (which never comes). Not to start it and give up four days into it because it's just too hard. Not to even start it but only slightly tweak my routines and 'necessities' (like Coca-Cola every morning) in an attempt to make my current habits fit my new lifestyle. Nope... it's time to start over- start fresh- time to wipe the slate clean. And the first step is admitting I have a problem. There, I said it:

I HAVE A PROBLEM!!!!!

And now it's time to fix it. For the first time in... well... forever... I finally feel committed to doing this. It's not just to get thin so I can look cute in new clothes (although that is an AWESOME goal)!. No, it's to get healthy, so I can play with my kids, be around to meet my future grandkids, and maybe finally get a decent night's rest.

In the essence of full disclosure (and I can't really believe I'm doing this), I'm going to post my starting stats on here for you.:

• Initial weigh in-373.4 lbs
• Arm- 20"
• Chest- 57.5"
• Hips- 66"
• Waist- 53.5"
• Thigh- 36"

I can't tell you how very embarrassing it is to share those numbers (my mom says I am far braver than she is because I dared to share), but I feel like by doing that it will help keep me honest and keep me on track. My first goal is 10%, which equates to 37 lbs-ish; putting me at 336 to reach my first goal. Since I'm writing this post a bit 'late', I've already had my first weigh in and lost 4.8 lbs! Whoop, whoop!

Tim and I have decided to attack this together. We're doing the WeightWatchers PointsPlus system and we are very excited about where this is *hopefully* going to take us. We've cleaned out the pantry of anything that can weaken our willpower. We've cut out sodas, and sweet tea, and a lot of processed foods (that whole LESS is MORE thing!) already. We eat a salad every night with dinner, have at least 3 servings of dairy per day, and have upped our fruit/non-starchy veg quota considerably.

I'm sure you'll notice the little weight loss widget posted in the upper corner of the blog- she will dutifully keep track of all my successes (and even those times I fail) and you can feel free to track my progress and cheer us on (we need all the support we can get!) I'll post weekly about the different meals we make in an effort to keep it interesting, because as I tell my kids, when you're watching what you eat you have to replace fat with flavor!

I know every week won't be forward momentum- it's a given. And I know it's going to be a slow success- but slow and steady wins the race every time. This program is a successful one and we have personally been successful on it before- we've just never been this committed. So, hopefully 2013 can truly be 'our year'. Wish us luck!

Until next time...